The Professional Sleeper's Terms

Fiction

Please, sit. I prefer the chair with the straight back; it keeps me alert during the intake. You mentioned in your email that the activity is concentrated in the master suite. Cold spots, rhythmic tapping, the sensation of being watched. Standard residual static. Now, let us be clear about the terminology. You are using the word 'haunting', which is a romanticized term. In my trade, we call this liminal saturation. The house has essentially become a recording device for a high-intensity emotional event. The energy is not a conscious entity; it is a loop of psychic noise that cannot find a ground. I am that ground. My fee is three thousand dollars for the initial three night cycle. This includes the preparatory salt-mapping and the final discharge. If the saturation is deeper than anticipated, I charge an attrition rate of five hundred dollars per additional night. I do not offer discounts for 'mild' cases; the metabolic cost to my system is the same whether I am absorbing a grieving widow or a violent accident. I want you to understand the physical reality of this work. I am not casting spells. I am using my own REM cycle as a filter. I will enter a state of deep, induced sleep, and as my consciousness recedes, the residual static will migrate from the walls and floors into my subconscious. I essentially digest the unrest. When I wake up, I will be profoundly exhausted. Not the kind of tired you feel after a long flight, but a leaden, marrow-deep fatigue that makes my limbs feel like they are made of wet concrete. I may be irritable. I may forget my own middle name for an hour. That is simply the cost of the filtration process. Regarding the bedroom: you are not to enter. Not to check on me, not to bring me water, not for any reason. Once I have established the sleep circuit, the room becomes a closed system. If you open that door, you break the vacuum. The static will not simply vanish; it will discharge. At best, you will blow every fuse in the house. At worst, the imprint will snap back into the architecture with twice the intensity, effectively resetting the clock on the saturation. Do we have an agreement? If so, I will need the keys and a heavy blackout curtain for the west window. I cannot work if there is a sliver of moonlight hitting the pillow.