The Codicils of Elias Thorne

Gothic

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT of ELIAS THORNE, Esquire, of Blackwood Hold, West Riding of Yorkshire. I, the aforementioned Elias Thorne, being of sound mind and memory, do hereby declare this instrument to be my final will, hereby revoking all previous testamentary dispositions. Regarding the landed estate, comprising the manor house, the adjacent peat bogs, and the ruins of the Old Chapel, I bequeath the entirety of said holdings to my nephew, Arthur Thorne, provided that the following codicils are observed with absolute fidelity and without exception. Codicil I: Illumination. The heir shall ensure that no lamp of oil or gas is utilized within the primary gallery between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Only candles of Holloway’s Refined Tallow (Grade B) are permitted. The use of beeswax, paraffin, or scented lipids is strictly prohibited; such fragrances incite a restlessness in the architecture that cannot be easily quelled by standard domestic means. Codicil II: Access to the Undercroft. The heavy oak door leading to the cellar is to remain barred from the interior during the interval spanning 2:00 AM until 4:00 AM. Should the lock be breached, or the door opened during this window, the heir acknowledges that any subsequent loss of physical autonomy or disappearance of the self shall be deemed a breach of contract, thereby forfeiting all claims to the estate. Codicil III: The Maintenance of the Guest. In the East Wing, within the niche located behind the velvet drapery of the third parlor, there exists a hollow in the masonry. Every third Tuesday of the lunar month, a ceramic vessel containing three ounces of salted bovine marrow must be placed within said hollow. This offering is not a gesture of piety, but a necessary payment for the continued structural integrity of the dwelling and the silence of its interior voids. Codicil IV: Auditory Discipline. Should the heir hear the sound of a child laughing within the walls of the master bedroom, they are instructed to ignore the sound entirely. No attempt shall be made to locate the source, nor shall any conversation be initiated with the voice. To acknowledge the presence is to invite it into the waking light, an action which constitutes a material violation of this settlement. Failure to adhere to any singular provision outlined herein shall result in the immediate initiation of Reclamation. By Reclamation, I refer to the process by which the estate absorbs the biological matter of the occupant to sustain its own permanence. Upon the commencement of such a process, this will shall be rendered null and void, and the property shall return to a state of vacancy until a suitable replacement is procured. Signed and sealed this 14th day of November, 1872. (Signed) Elias Thorne (Witnessed) Silas Vane, Solicitor